I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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