i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
