I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
