i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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