Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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