dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
