***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
