At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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