Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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