You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
