home. puking in laundry basket.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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