So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
