so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
