Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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