I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm at about main and main street
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
