My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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