Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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