I just pynch a tree in the face
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
