What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
