I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
