how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
