Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
