That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
