Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
