The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
