and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
