FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize