I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
