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I puked a lego.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i think my cat just said my name.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
