I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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