I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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