i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
