At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I am one with the molecules
My bed smells like the plague
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