Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
