i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
