don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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