Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
