Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
