we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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