$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize
