i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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