my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There's always time for handjobs
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
