Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
