I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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