It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
