gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
