What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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