You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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