when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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