He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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