the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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