dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
