guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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