dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
