No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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